People might be surprised that I…

…Write poetry.

It rhymes sometimes

When I decide

To take that stride

Towards an orderly manner

But more often it’s free

Wandering, like my thoughts

or my black cocker-spaniel

after hiding his favorite toy

My words are my light-saber

My Ghirardelli squares

But calorie-free

To cheer me up

When I am feeling the stress

Of a 27 college applications

Or school assignments

I sit in behind a screen

(that’s probably too bright)

And I write.

About my day, my mood

My worries, my fears

love for Star Wars,

careers

or aspirations

Like how I want to become

“A teacher by day

and artist by night”

(like my 5th grade teacher)

So I plow through essays

and more essays

to reach that goal

at a reasonable price

and I’m content

Until I need to take a break

and then people might be surprised

that I draw.

~

This poem was written for an essay prompt on a scholarship application, asking to finish the sentence “people might be surprised that I…”.  It may not get me anywhere but I felt like sharing. 

xoxo,

Snowmageddon 2016: Day 4

And it’s DAY 4 out here in the frozen tundra.  The sun shone a bit brightly today, so there’s been a bit of noticeable melting, but the piles outside still pass my knees. 

Yesterday I thought it would be a good idea to take on the aftermath of the super-blizzard and hike to J’s house.  

The way over was great. Fun, even.

The way back? *grumble…..* I left late, so it was dark, and I had to walk in the road. (Don’t worry I didn’t die.) It’s actually kind of eerie and cool to be out in the middle of a parkway, only one lane cleared by plow, and have all the traffic lights stuck on green because there’s not a soul or set of wheels in sight.  

I felt all super-human-y and post-apocalyptic with mah snow boots and furry-hooded vest and iPhone flashlight.

And although I’ve been basically trapped in my house for the past 4 days (minus me sleeping over at my best friend’s house because I couldn’t handle my cramped house of 8 plus dog anymore), I’ve been super psyched because school has been cancelled. Yesterday, they cancelled for Monday and Tuesday, and today… they cancelled for Wednesday as well!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(I’m mildly excited, if you couldn’t tell.)

In other news…. one of my fave people from Pentatonix did a live stream a little while ago and I was thinking about getting in on that… Live streaming seems like fun– kinda like a vlog but not as often and not permanent (unless I choose it to be, I guess).  

So we’ll see about that… if I end up doing it, I’ll definitely share about it.

’til next time,

Snowmageddon 2016: An Update

So.

We haven’t lost power quite yet.  But the snow plows and ambulances are getting stuck all over the place, and we basically have 30 inches piled up outside.

Later I think I’ll venture out to go sledding with some friends, provided I don’t sink too deep… I’m only 5 feet tall and having like, 2 feet of snow to wade through should be interesting.

Currently though, I’m forcing myself to be productive. So I cleaned my room, and now I’m doing some Government homework.

What do you guys do to not be bored in the snow?

xoxo,

just some Pre-Blizzard Notions

OH MY GOODNESS.  The first legit snow all year, and it’s coming as a blizzard to pummel the eastern shore.

Needless to say, I’m excited.

But I’m also a tiny bit worried.

I don’t want anyone getting hurt…good thing they pre-closed school for tomorrow! WOOOOOOOOOOT! (Also D.C. is in a state of emergency, so that’s fun.)  They’re calling for 1-2 feet of snow.  And for us practically-snow-virgins in VA, the slightest flake is enough to freak out people on the roads. (I will pray for those people.) I’ve decided to not think about the fact that we might lose power
…and internet
…and hot water
…and cooking capabilities (all which fall under the loss of “power” lol)

The last time a blizzard came through, my family had to put a legit fire in our originally-only-for-aesthetic-uses fireplace and cook our meals on an oven rack and in metal pots.  (Yup, Little House on the Prairie style.  Big family included.)

…Buuuuuuut we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, right?

As for all of my friends who might be freaking out right now, here’s just some things I’d suggest to get through the first snow-mageddon of 2016 as suggested by my overly cautious father:

• Get batteries.  AA, AAA, you name it. OH and don’t forget power banks for phones.  If you have them already, CHARGE THEM NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
• Get toilet paper.  (Warning: you may not have been fast enough and it might already be sold out– might I suggest using Amazon Prime?
• Gather all the blankets in your house (the warm ones, anyways). You don’t know if your heat will conk out.
• Stock up on water bottles! You gots to keep hydrated!
• Get matches.
• Find candles.
• Be prepared to use your fireplace as a stove.
• ^(Due to above, get firewood)
• Fill your car’s gas tank ahead of time (in case you need to run out and get stuff last minute.)
• Have pet food, baby formula, diapers–all that–on hand.
• Have your prescription meds accessible! Don’t die in the snow because you forgot to take your Aderol.  
• Stay tuned in. Use a radio or tv or computer to check for updates in your area (until the power goes out, anyways.
• Fend yourselves from potential boredom! Put out games like Cards Against Humanity, Pandemic, Pirate’s Dice, a deck of cards, Spin the Bottle, or Monopoly, or something somewhere in the event that *gasp* your phone’s battery runs out.
• Use Mother Nature as a freezer! In the event of a power outage, this can help save your frozen goods. (Been there, done that– it works, I swear.)
• AND MOST IMPORTANTLY. Stay calm.  You got this.  It’s just a little bit of snow and it’ll melt by spring-time.    

xoxo,

doin’ the roanoke romp

Ugh. 

I will rejoice the day that the college visits end. 

Today was friggin PACKED. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, checked out of our hotel, and drove to the first of two college visits, both in Roanoke VA, both in freezing weather. 

I do not like being cold. 

But at least I’ve had a chance to visit one of my top two schools. 

The first one, Hollins, was pretty beautiful, and since it’s a pretty small (super small, actually) school, there’s more flexibility in terms of scheduling, tuition, and on-campus activity. So far my main interest is the $27,000 they’re offering me plus my scholarship application there. 

After we hit them up, we headed down to Roanoke College in Salem where I was pleasantly surprised. The campus was super pretty, and it was one of those town-integrated campuses, where cute down-towns streets intersected parts of campus and there was brick everywhere. Our tour guide, Ben, was super helpful and nice. However it seemed like it had gotten colder, and the biting wind didn’t make it any better.

After that we headed to a local pet rescue shelter, as my mom has been looking or a playmate for Travis for a long time now, and one of the dogs she liked just happened to be down here. Sadly, the dog we came to see wasn’t there anymore. ):

After all the events today, however, I think I know where I wanna go to college. But until I’m sure, I’m gonna wait till I confirm some (or any) scholarships. 

And I also know that I will probably pass out tonight instead of doing homework…
XD

UPDATE: Our county supervisor or whatever just called us to say that we have a 2-hour delay from school tomorrow due to subzero temperatures! WOOT!

Love,

I’m Nocturnal, and other news

Annnd we’re back live with the Wednesday edition of “Why Stephanie Has Not Slept”!

Yeesh.

This is like the third night in a row… And I’d blame it on homework (and an endless stream of Adam Lambert and Tori Kelly videos), but I can’t, because I owe a lot of it to procrastination, work, and distraction.

Whichever one of those *coughallofthem* are to blame… I’ve become extremely short on sleep.
Coffee has become my best friend… and it feels weird to go to bed before 2am at this point.

But tonight I’m gonna try to go to bed by midnight! WOOO!

On another non-sleep-inspiring note…. College acceptance notification #2 came today!  Super pumped because it’s one that’s been at the top of my list for a whileeeeeeee 😀

It feels so nice when schools want to take you under their wing….

(HA GET IT CUZ OWL PICTURE UP THERE AND WINGS)

Lol, I tried^… I’m not tired at alllllllllll…. 

Happy Hump-evening!

xoxo,

Ghirardelli and tears

Another square, another bite

Just to get me through the night

My blood pressure’s way to high

At times it feels like I will die

of diabetes, of exhaustion, of stress or sorrow

It’s ten more minutes until tomorrow

Almost too late, for the submission deadline

Just a couple more edits and all will be fine

But I’m gnawing my lip like I gnaw on the cocoa

university processes driving me loco

I can’t seem to eat, or sleep, cause I’m haunted

by shadows of schools; I want to feel wanted

But I hit it–SUBMIT– it’s out on its way

And I sit and unwrap, day after day

tiles and tiles of special dark caramel

happy flavors convincing that all will be well

It’s gone, it’s out there, soon to be seen

at the feet of the mercy of an admissions dean

My confection supply is almost run out

The drug’s wearing off, I’m thinking about

Setting my life up for four solid years

Soon to be filled with Ghirardelli and tears.

(And thus, a poem describing my experience applying to colleges.)

xoxo,

Lime green and hot pink totally go together.

So I had revelation in the shower today.

Okay, not quite.

But I did realize something.

I’m one of those people who can’t shower or do much of anything without music playing– it’s such an integral part of my life.

As much as I love listening to favorite songs over and over, I’ve decided it’s not a good thing.  …After a certain amount of times, anyways. I’ve found my mind clouded with the same lyrics, which bring up the same trains of thought, which bring up the same feelings, which can be a little annoying, especially if they’re feelings I’m trying to let go of or things that I’m trying to forget.

So I put on iTunes radio, the Five for Fighting station. Not only am I exposed to oldies I haven’t heard in like, forever, I’m exposed to new jams and lyrics that open my ears and release my mind from the protected bubble of the some 59 songs I have on my phone.

But moral of the story, I heard a good song today with interesting lyrics that I liked.  I’ve never listened really to Sister Hazel before, and I have to say it sends me back to the country-loving corner of my brain while still keeping a foot in the modern, poppy-world.  It’s called “Change Your Mind” and this verse and chorus stuck out to me:

If you want to be somebody else,
If you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind

Hey hey
Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun
Just for shining, just for shining
Or the sea?
Oh no, take it all in
The world’s a show
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow

Just… 

I feel like I can connect with this feeling lately. I wanted change.  I wanted new, I wanted to start over.  New year, new me, and all that, right?

Well

Sometimes, in the struggle to be new, be changed, be at the beginning again, I think we have a tendency to lose ourselves.

Last night when I was jamming out and revamping my blog, creating the header art… I took comfort when I was able to use my favorite color (lime green) and a version of a hot pink together.  Those two colors used to be my favorite color combination growing up, but as I aged I was told that they clashed, they looked ugly together, that they were too bright and too tacky.  

And honestly, I’ve noticed the same thing happen in my life.  You’re too short. Those shoes look weird. Why do you talk so much. You’re too happy all the time. Not to mention the unspoken pressures such as the need to be skinny, to have flawless makeup just to leave your house, to have the perfect social media feed, to have the latest fashions in your closet…

My lime green and electric pink turned to the solemn, subdued tones of the forest leaves and the minimalist, moody shades of maroon.  

Half the music on my phone is music that is either popular or recommended to me by someone else. My conversations regarding college are tailored to the ears of the listener. And with every word I can feel myself dimming under the disapproval and rejection, as if nothing is mine anymore.

Maybe that’s why this spoke to me.  Seeking solace in the attempt to become someone I’m not isn’t the answer, I know it isn’t, and I’m working to change that.
Who is to dictate what’s cool to listen to

                            what’s cool to wear

                            what’s worth supporting

                            what college is good to apply to?

(I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “whee.”)

I’ve decided that I’m gonna do an overhaul of the music on my phone… find new stuff, dig back up the good oldies, blast the stuff I like to listen to. Apply to schools I want to apply to. Preach what I like to follow.  Wear what I want to wear.  And I’ve decided to be bluntly honest with people. Because fake people annoy the hell out of me, and one thing the world doesn’t need more of isshallow, porcelain perfection. The more I can deviate from “the norm” and “what’s cool”, the better.

Because you know what’s cool?

danc[ing] in the rain
thank[ing] the sun
Just for shining, just for shining
[and] the sea?
[taking] it all in

And glowing. Definitely glowing.

Glowing obnoxious hues of pink and green. 

xoxo,

Super-ultra-mega-late-nite-revamp!

I just wanna cry tears of joy right now– I just sat here for a good four hours fixing my layout, picking a new template, and frigging getting those stupid social media icons to work XD

But I’m so happy 😀

I wanted a new look for the new year, and hopefully I’ll stick with this one for a while.

….Also I need to learn HTML. And just coding in general.  My life would be ten times better cooler if I knew how to do it.

What did you guys accomplish this week?

Happy Friday!

xoxo

2.0.1.5: A Look Backward (Part III)

……Aaaaannnnnd here we are! The final installment of my rear-view-mirror peek of 2015.

Shall we?

We shall.

30.What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it? Well. It’s hard to pick just one… But I’d probably have to go with the time I fell off the stage in my school’s auditorium. At the instant, it hurt… But the outcome and how I tumbled out of my fall was something you’d see on America’s Funniest Home Videos (yes I am that clumsy). XD

31.What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever? Probably the black booties I got on my shopping spree or the half-green-half black and white skirt dress (I happen to be wearing it in the picture on the post “2.0.1.5 A Look Backward”.  Really fab decisions there.

32. What one thing would you do differently and why? Pester my parents about my license more.  …Yup. Stilllllll waiting.

33.What do you deserve a pat on the back for? Reading the lesson/collect at my grandfather’s funeral.  That shit was hard.  

34.What activities made you lose track of time? I feel like I didn’t have much time for hobbies in 2015… But…. Blogging, designing, drawing, and seeing J.

35.What did you think about more than anything else? Uhhhhh probably the stress I had for school. And getting into college.

36.What topics did you most enjoy learning about? Though it is boring at times, the US government.  Our teacher really makes it interesting.

37.What new habits did you cultivate? Shall we divide into “the good”, “the bad”, and “the shameful”?

GOOD:

On time to work! (mostly– save a minute or two here and there)

Keeping my phone in its otterbox! (LOL I say that as it sits here, completely naked :O)

Checking my email (good with college process stuff like, everywhere I turn!)

BAD: 

Letting all my dirty clothes pile up until I run out of clean ones

Staying up really late

Procrastinating like, everything

Falling asleep and telling myself “I’ll finish it in the morning” and not waking up 

SHAMEFUL: 

Eating the weirdest shit on impulse

Missing the bus

38.What advice would you give your early-2015 self if you could?
Dear 2015 Me,

Stop giving a fuck about what people say about you. People’s opinions are just that– ultimately it’s your life and don’t let them tell you what you can and can’t do.  Also, for your sake, sloooooowww downnnnn. Some things can wait, and haste makes mistakes.  It’s okay for your opinions and views to change. It’s all part of growing up.  Be prepared for some heavy stuff, and do not I REPEAT DO NOT be afraid to ask for help.

Lastly, please please— do what makes you happy. You don’t have to justify yourself sometimes. Listen to your Spidey-sense.   

39. Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year? Absolutely.  As predicted around this time last year, I did do another 180.  From my appearance to my time management and perception of the world around me, this year has certainly fostered significant change.  The workload has continued to skyrocket, I found myself not caring about homework for a while there, and I’ve become more independent than every, it seems.  Things are falling into place, slowly but surely, and it’s easy to doubt that they are… but I know they are.  And I keep doubting myself and everything (nothing new there). but I know it’s just another step of finding out who I am meant to be.

40. What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year? Probably the death of my grandfather.  It showed me a whole new side of grief, questioning, and just overall, life.  How fragile it is… how we can’t afford (monetarily and mentally) to waste another second of it.  I want to know that I’ve lived a life of happiness, of service, of excitement, of love… And that only happens when one is proactive and get’s the ball rolling themselves instead of waiting around for someone else.  

2015 held a lot of sadness, and a lot of pain for me. But it also held a ton of laughter and family and friends and love and just…an unsurpassed amount of curiosity that has helped me stumble back on the roadway to where I’m going.  It’s a bit scary to say that in a year, I have no idea where I will be, who I’ll be with, or what I’ll be doing…  But the unknown doesn’t have to be scary.  Think of it as an unexplored Luray Caverns that’s only successfully discovered with the curious and determined pokes of a flashlight.  

I’m ready for you, 2016.  Bring it on.

xoxo